Heartbroken and Heart-Happy

I have gone back and forth for a while about how much to write about on this blog. This past year and a half has been the hardest (and seemingly longest) season of my life so far. It continues to be so and I think that's why I haven't written in a while. If I want to write about what's really going on with me, I would need to be a lot more honest.

We just returned from a two-week vacation to the Northwest which was simply refreshing and rejuvenating and MUCH-NEEDED. I so miss the fresh air and cool breezes, mountain views and water views, reading books uninterrupted, living out of a car :) , and meeting new people who were strangers now friends ..... one step back into the humidity that is Nashville right now brought me back to reality. As much as my wandering heart longs for mountains and breathable air and new places and cultures and people, our home is Nashville, for now and as long as He chooses.

I went from having my heart burst each day at the beauty and new-ness of my surroundings on our trip ... and waking with the anticipation of whatever the day may bring ... to returning to home where, if I'm honest, I often wake with anxiety, fear, and sometimes a little bit of dread at what the day holds ahead of me.

I live daily with moments of great joy (my birthday dinner with close friends crowded into our house, laughing and eating and visiting) and those of great heartache (sitting in a waiting room at my doctor's office, surrounded by five pregnant women, all of whom glance at my belly, looking for my bump, which, painfully, doesn't exist yet). Isn't this life, though? Isn't that why the gospel is beautiful ... that it is true and applicable to both situations?

The psalmist says, "I believe I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." I pray for that belief, for that sight, for this is faith. In joy and in sorrow.