Thankful

Made it to my 39th today!

So very much has happened since I last posted, and I won't try to defend or explain my absence or even to catch everyone up in one post! All I can think about today is how grateful I am for the path that my life has taken. Especially when I thought it would look different at 39.

I thought I'd be married in my early twenties....I'm so grateful to the Lord for keeping Eric and me single until our later years. Cannot imagine another person who would compliment, love, and challenge me as he does. (He's been after me to pick up writing again for a long time now!)

I thought I'd have several children by now (biologically of course and then we'd have adopted)..... Thankful to be able to say that the very painful path to our two beautiful daughters was so very worth it. Worth the heartache, tears, and loss of many years to wake up now as momma to these two gifts. Each of their adoption stories has been full of beauty, heartbreak, and learning to have open hands.

I thought I'd be living in the mountains....Nashville has been a place of such growth and deep, deep friendships for me. I bought my first house here, I've been at the same church for nearly 10 years, and I've put down roots. I've accepted life-giving dares from dear friends here and came out on the other side of those challenges more free. (Although I secretly still hope for a mountain retreat someday in the future :) ..... that's ok, right?!)

I thought I'd have the same "good" relationship with the Lord that I'd always had...... Humbled that He would chose to put me through fire to experience a more "real" relationship with Him. He is more tender and lovely than I knew Him to be.

Those are the biggest ones. I hope to be writing more often.....we shall see :) ....

Blessings

The Lord is so kind to give us what we need exactly when we need it.

One day this past weekend, I had two separate friends tell me about the song "Blessings" by Laura Story. Finding myself sleepless tonight, I looked up the lyrics and listened to it. What a balm for my soul, for my aching, fearful heart. (see the lyrics below)

Lord, use my sleepless nights and this pain to heal my heart....however that looks.

More of You, Jesus, more of You.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise