No Thank You

I turned down a Gigi's turtle cupcake last week.

That rarely happens.

But before I made my decision, I went back and forth in my head for a few hours about what to do. You see, I was fasting from chocolate. And had been for a few weeks, successfully abstaining from the daily temptations that arose! But my patient had brought me one beautiful, perfect cupcake as a "thank-you".

Here is my conversation with myself:

I worried that if I ate the cupcake, "It will erase the benefits of the fast so far and He will not respond to the situation which is the purpose of the fast. He will say "no" if I eat the chocolate." Then I thought..."Wow, you really think you have all the control in this situation and that the turn-out depends on your choices and obedience. That the Lord will respond based on your moves." So I decided that this rule-follower should be bold and break the rules: "Trust that He is still sovereign over this situation and will act in the way that He chooses, regardless of your attempts, for your good and His glory." I could choose to be freed up to trust him (and not have to bring the record of my good works in my defense). But I'd have to break the rules...."I said I would not eat chocolate, so I can't eat chocolate." But that's not the point of a fast, which is meant to prompt me to pray and turn to Him who is better than the richest, sweetest chocolate (which it already had!).

I did not eat the cupcake...gave it to a co-worker for her son. But I kind of wish I had eaten it after all. There is an inner rebel in me that longs to be freed up from "should's". I still have a picture of the Lord laughing and celebrating as I savor the cupcake and the kindness of my patient, in the knowledge that I am no less close to Him for breaking my fast.

The next day I enjoyed a reese's peanut butter cup and it was good. The answer, for the time being, did turn out to be "no".

And all is still right between me and my Savior, who continues to patiently whittle away at the things that keep me bound!